Fiko is so right.

2006-01-28T05:05:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year Resolutions

I love CNY. Well, here's my CNY-resolutions folks.

- Doing 10 pullups

- Doing 50 pushups

- Being able to jump higher that Mount Everest...umm check. Mount Everest can't jump. Yezzah!

- Completing a 10km run...without having to take 2 hour breaks in between

- Smiling

- Wearing something colourful

- Having a conversation with that special someone

- Grow a goatee

- Pass my NAPFA test

- Juggle knives

- Toss poker cards into watermelons

- Seperate Embryonic blastocycst cells using a chopstick

- Having a conversation with that special someone, that does not sound like this
Me: Umm... hello uh, um yea. Im a, well,
X: What? Hello who's this?
Me: Im sorry I got the wrong (hangs up phone)
X: (Calls back)
Me: Im sorry I think YOU have got the wrong number.

Ok. Thats it. Im tired and Im gonna do something more productive with my time. G'day mate.

2006-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Go Go Phower Rhangers (name changed to prevent kopiright infringement)

Today's article would be about how absolutely Kool the Power Rangers are. I am a but a big fan of the *not so average bunch of multi-racial teens who protect the world from EVIL). However, the plot/storeyline/concept of this series ain't the most perfect of them all.

Why the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are phools

1) Synchronised-Fasion-Madness
- Note that the rangers would always wear their casual clothes in the exact same colour code as their Ranger-colours. For example, you would never see Billy, the blue ranger, wearing red.

Now, imagine a scenario where the blue ranger actually got sick of his same blue outlook and wants to be bold. Say for example, he chooses to come to school in a freaking swell red outfit. Oh, and Jason is the red ranger by the way (for phools who don't know)

Jason: "Hey bitch, you're wearing my colors fool!"

Billy: " But Jason, I'm getting really sick of blue. And would't the 5 of us rangers wearing the same particular colours every single day would kind of make it obvious to the rest of the public the we are indeed the Power Rangers?"

Jason: "Hey! Is that my sandwich!?"

2) Last-Minute-Savers

Why the hell do the rangers call out their zord at the very last minute, where the puny monsters become large monstrocities of nature? I mean c'mon, they should use the gigantic megazord and crush the puny monster while they still can, you know what I mean? I think Bandai should add in a new ranger, Smart Ranger.

Smart Ranger: Hey, lets save the trouble of morphing, and just get the Megazord to stomp on the monsters.

Red ranger: Are you freaking mad? Then what else do we do for the next 2o min of the half an hour show? And besides, I call the shots here, bad boy!

3) One word, Zordon

- Zordon, a hologram of a fathead trapped inside a glass tube, just dosent make that great of a leader.

Red Ranger: Mmm, let us all partake in a good ol' american snack of HOTDOGS.

Zordon: Where's my hotdog?

White Ranger: You can't have any hotdogs silly! You need to watch your weight. Besides, you're just a hologram inside a glass tube. Hey, how the hell do I get my mask to open? ARGH!!!

Well, apart from most other nonsensical plots and shit like that, I still love the Power Rangers. Ok, Im gonna go and play with my Power Ranger figurines uh I mean, go pump some iron BABY!

2006-01-06T06:24:00.000-08:00

How to be METAL!!!

Disclaimer: This article is solely meant to entertain the viewer and not to spark any hatred/annoyances to anything metal. Metal itself, as a genre is truly large (power metal, melodic death, black metal etc.) But for the sake of bland humor, let's just take away all the minute petty details and just get to the article.

Phew, that was a phucking mouthful. Yes, I said phucking. Wow, I phucking amaze myself.

Tips on how to look more like a metalhead:

1) Always wear black. Always. Black underwear, black bra, black bag, black pencilcase, black erasers... Except when it comes to choosing socks. I never did like black socks.

2) The only acceptable color combination (besides black/black) is black/red. Remember that.

3) You should publically proclaim your love for Iron Maiden/Metallica/somepopularmetalband even if you haven't heard any of their songs before. This will earn big points with Metalheads. As long as you say "Their old albums are genuinely TRU to the metal genre rather than the newer crappy songs they produce", you are pretty much alright.

4) You should avoid Punk Rock like the plaugue. Tell your friends that Punk Rock is a poor reincarnation of the 1980's political Punk Rock and that you do not partake in any UN-TRU poserlike genre that most people nowadays tend to listen too.

5) Walk metal. Take large steps and tilt your head down. Walk real quickly while listening to fast-paced Metalsongs to get the 'feeling'. Oh yea, now we are getting somewhere.

6) Never leave home without your black eyeliner, black nailpolish and your 9 gawdy rings. Failing to do so may ruin the entire "Metal" atmosphere.

7) Whenever listening to any music (Shakira, N-Sync, even Vivaldi) besides metal, you should continue headbanging.

8) Join a band and tell everyone about how much your band rule! No, don't tell them that you got an 11 year or girl as a bassist and the Chicken Rice stall man as your lead guitarist.

Well, there are too many more things you still have to do to a a TRU metalhead, but I'm really tired and I want to sleep. Oh and please do not take this article seriously, you stupid nonol.

2005-12-24T05:06:00.000-08:00

BOOYAA

Fiko is back, well, thats that I guess. Greatest apologies to my fans, I know I haven't been blogging for so damn long. No, its not because I have forgotten my password. Oh and NO, I have not had any gay boyfriends who told me to stop blogging because I have the tendency to make fun of homosexuals.

With that said, term tests have just passed, thank god, and I'm just gonna jump straight into my weekly article thing.

Ok, today's article ... :

"How To Be a Superstar (/ass/faggot/insert.your.name.here.) While Pooling*)

*Pooling: A verb that describes the wholesome goodiness of 8-ball billiardsm, a.k.a. pool

a) When your oppponent is taking an aim, lightly touch his butthole with your cue-stick.
Note: Making small grunts while doing the above action would enchance its effect.

b) If you had to rack the balls, do not place them casually in the triangle. Instead, you should place two balls at a time, slowly, on the table, saying " My balls are on the table, Sir"

c) If the cueball do come into contact with your opponent's ball, you should giggle and say "Wee, my ball touched your ball." Trust me, this one would disturb your opponent so much that winning a game would be a piece of ball, uh, I meant cake.

d) Pull down your pants as much as possible throughout the duration of the game. If you have a nice rack, you could flash em' too. You know the saying, flaunt what you've got.
The above scenario only applies to women. If you are a sweaty man with hairy man boobs, please ignore the above comment.

e) If you still lose the game despite these *must know pool tips*, being the jackass that you are, you should claim that the balls are too small and you just *don't play with small-balls*.

2005-09-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Official Superhero Photographer

Yay. Im dothiman's official photographer now. Woot! For those of you who don't know who dothiman is, just look him up on my Friendster account or my MSN messenger pic. Yea. He is like the coolest Paki Superhero in the world.

A little bit about him, he got chased by a dog once. Knowing that he had to protect himself to save the world from minions of the Earth, he valiantly took haste (ran away). Though, the dog had been chained the whole time. Poor dothiman.

Damn man, we need a power-pac bassist urgently. Good thing though, that now I can sweep pick, tap and double pick (electric guitar terms lah), I need to bore myself with tabs from Steve Vai and Malmsteen. I can't play a single shit though. Poppish Punk rockish (SUXor!) songs are stupid and easy to play. Earth needs more Power Metal and Metalcore bands.

On a lighter note, I'm now able to digest songs from The Postal Service and Coldplay. Must be all the Aspartame (kopiright) I use to go along with my coffee. nopunintended.

Remember kids, don't jump off very tall buildings with an umbrella. No! It does not work!

2005-09-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

5 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

Damn people, Hindi (Bollywood) movies are stupid. Even Tamil ones. (Nope I'm not being racist, I am a HQF (Hindi Qualified Personell). I have been watching these movies since I was young, and they STILL suck like a 5500 watts turbocharged vaccuum cleaner.

Hindi Movies are dumb because
- 1001/1000 are about romance

- Someone will die at the end

- They sing when they are happy

- They sing when they are sad

- They sing when they are angry

- The villian in that storey would have a fugly face

- When one of the "romantic" lover starts dancing (in the meadows or other corny places), a batallion of dancers will somehow dance with him/her. Perfectly choreographed I tell you.

- The male actors are wife-beaters

- The directors are always gay Indian men who spend their entire waking moment drinking tea and (trying to) act cool. Look, balding men with hairy chests and a very distasteful purple coloured (unbuttoned) shirt is gay.

Why Tamil movies are dumb.

- One 'dothi-wearing man' could easily wipe out armies of indian thugs. Nuff said.
Wait, hold on a second! Thats neat. I stand corrected. Tamil movies are the bomb.

Remember kids, brushing your teeth with 2,4-Dinitrophenyhydrazine would make them look nice. Or maybe not.

2005-09-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

More Gaying

I apologise for having been too lazy/busy to update my blog. Truth is, semestral exams are over, starting from today. Excellent. Wow, just TOO many things that needs to be said. Ok.

a) Junyong, KC and me picked out a sexually explicit (very graphic, mind you) book on 'Sexual Intimacy' for Lai Hock (Birthday present!!)

b) Exams are crap. Crap with a capital D. Yes, D (because I'm so smart *sarcasm*)

c) I bought a guitar pedal. Wee. Now all I need is a pack of AA batteries. Screw it. (batteries not included, folks)

d) I enjoyed myself today when I 'jalan-jalan' with Debby and Dez because

- I made an Indian girl beleive that I was gay
- I disturbed a gay salesman
- I stalked Einstein (the Kids Central Celebrity lah stupid) all the way into the Gents, and told him that I was/am his biggest fan.
- Einstein drew a self potrait of himself on my Biochem Paper. He also wrote "To Rafik, my biggest fan of all. Keep cooking on your Biochemistry"

Heck, Eintein's really a cool and down to Earth guy. Damn, there were these little kids in the toilet, and I said, "Dude, Im bigger of a fan than both of them combined". Heh, yea, Einstein's so cool.

Oh yea and Desmond is a very rich little girl who has a pool table in his living room. Murh. Remember dude, I won. It wasn't a foul, not whatever other ridiculous nonsense. I won. Straight up. You suck (not that much la).

Remember kids, do not poke a cue stick up a monkey's ass then wait for rain to fall.

2005-08-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today

Save your happiness for tomorrow,
And today we'll drown in your tears.
A drop of blood taste like wine,
Today.

Usually, lectures are as efficient as a 28.8k dial-up modem. But today was 3000mbps Broadband BABY simply because our Uber Cool HAP lecturer went through my favourite HAP chapter. Sexual reproduction.

Man is this guy hilarious. I remembered this one sentence he used during the lecture. "When I was...............No I did not have menstruation." My god. Not only was that completely random, it made me laughed out loud in the LT.

Thanks to Dez and Deborah, my forearms are bruised (at the time I'm writing this). Thanks again Debby! You do not want to mess with a girl who has an amazingly strong gripping power. My forearms succumbed to her terrible pinch. I was like OUCH WHAT THE F****** F***! But I'm too good a person to say that out loud. Yea.

I hate Potato Chips! The first few munches are ok. But the later stages will really mess you up.

Stage 1) Potato chips taste good. Innocently enough, you begin popping more and more of them into your mouth.

Stage 2) You start consuming the little fuckers at a faster rate, only to realize that the bag of potato chips are getting lighter by the second. Bad mistake.

Stage 3) The salty chips start to mess with the roof of your mouth. It becomes more sensitve with every bite.

Stage 4) You look into the bag, OH NO ONLY A FEW MORE LEFT! NO MORE SHARING!

Stage 5) You finish the entire bag of potato chips, feeling miserable, depressed and utterly frustrated over yourself because you failed to choose a healthier snack. Boo to you! Boo I say, Boo!

Argh, I think I'm paraniod. I think too much. I think that I think too much.

Remember kids, try not to develop a hobby that inculde(s) running barefooted over a bed of rusty nails.

2005-08-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Girls.

I cannot absolutely positively beleive it. I found out (thru a complicated noneedtomention way) that a girl I fancy (repeat, fancy. Not like, not infatuated) actually knew that I existed. Great. I'm called 'the guy who thinks that her butt is nice'. Yea, what the hell. Nevermind, I didn't excactly say that her butt was nice. Complicated shit. Anyway...

Apart from the interesting find, I've also found out her taste in men (I inferred from how her boyfriend looks like). Now I've sort of reached the equilibrium point of fancying her. I like her as much as I like apples. It looks kinda nice but nevermind, I just ate and I'm pretty full. You know what I mean?

Damn I've got to think up of some better gay jokes soon. Anyway, do remember to brush your teeth at least twice a day. Then go suck on a sugar-coated pencil. Nimrods.

Remember kids, don't pour hot water on your face if you aren't fed up of life yet.

2005-08-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

Definition of Beautiful

It's really not like me to write a whole post dedicated to something mushy like love/beauty/sex/romance/crush/fake dates (yea you get the picture). But standing under the 'Zao-Geng' bridge (or so a good friend of mine calls it) in school today, something struck me. It struck me like a big fat wooden plank coated with sandpaper hitting my ass. What excactly is beautiful? What defines beauty? I'm not only talking about women, but things, in general. What makes a car beautiful? What makes my chocolate souffle beautiful?

It really troubles me that my friend(s) commended me on my 'taste' in women.
"Well, I guess she's ok. She's short, but well, I dunno le. Your taste like damn weird lor"
Frankly, it is nice that we have (very) different tastes; less competition!

Readers' Digest had an article about beautiful faces. I.e. they have symmetrical faces. Seriously, there's actually more than the "symmetrical" factor that makes men go GA-GA over the highly sophisticated alternative version of themselves (women). Its more than the boobs.

Shit! Why am I even typing this beauty shit out? I should be blogging about how my friends and I were told to keep quiet by a lecturer from another class because we were singing too loudly in our empty classroom. Oh, nevermind, I just did. Haha JY is so funny. "Rafik, sex my nose!"

Oh well, love is blind. I guess marriage will be a real eye opener then.

Don't pull down your teacher's pants, kids.

2005-08-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Reasons as to Why I'm a Jackass

1) I find pleasure in having a raw-fish throwing session with my Homie at Suki-Sushi.

2) I like hanging out in no tresspassing areas with Ish (Restricted VIP movie rooms etc.)

3) I chase cars as a hobby.

4) I enjoy spending my evenings on the neighbourhood playground.

5) I drank a tea-soy sauce-wasabi mixture up my nose, twice.

6) I skated into a wall then bailed out, at full speed, just for fun.

7) I say 'thank you very nice' and people are starting to copy me. Well stop it kids.

8) I draw cars during lectures, and then make engine noises in my head. Vroom Vroom!

9) I often wear matching pink and black clothes/shoelaces.

10) I pole-danced in the MRT once.

If you have anything else to add, leave it in the comments section.

Heck, you could really tell that I'm pretty bored. I'll be updating more rantings and gay jokes soon. In the meantime, listen carefully to what I have to say. If you are invited to a party, don't show up naked and say "Hey! Look at me! I got this costume on my birthday! It's so much cooler than yours!"

Don't burn your school down just because you want to avoid exams, kids.

2005-08-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

Taken from a conversation (Desmosome* and me)

Fiko: Hey Des, you like gay jokes?
Des: No
Fiko: C’mon everbody loves gay jokes.
Des: I only like gay jokes if they’re not about me.
Fiko: …O…K…

Anyway Desmondo tought me an important lifeskill today. If it was not for him, I’d probably be living under the streets or taking out peoples’ trash for a living. He taught me how to aim a not-so-straight-and-perfect pool shot.
Wow, I could have actually won all those pool matches. Damn you random pool shots, damn you!
Which reminds me, have you noticed that majority of pool “players” are bengs, lians and lesbians? Nevermind, just my random thoughts. Seriously, I really have nothing against DAO techno-listening or sexually confused people. I really don’t.
Damn, PIPC lesson was more fun than a bunch of Bengs. I meant, monkeys. Who cares about endothermic or exothermic reactions people? Lunch (or any other meal for that matter) is WAY more important.

You know I just love it when there's cake after dinner. Ok, so I was lazy and I didn't have time to bake a Boston Cheesecake or Chocolate Souffle. Screw it. Mmm I had Chocolate Devil Fudge and it was rather dry but, heck its chocolate-tee. I'm pretty sure that I can bake a dammned good chocolate fudgecake.

*name changed to protect identity, rather, to protect me from being choked by him

Don't choke on weasels, kids.

2005-08-15T02:24:00.000-07:00

Meterosexuals are in fact gays in disguise (or in denial).

Screw meterosexuals. Cmon dipshits, just admit it, you're gay. No, I have nothing against gays, but being gay and saying "I'm a guy who likes to look at other guys but I'll end up marrying a girl" is just plain dipshitted.

Have you noticed guys who use cosmetic products like lipstick and Fruit-scented deodorants? No kids, they're not 'men who dare to care' about their looks. They're not 'meterosexuals'. They're gay. Just plain gay.

Which reminds me, I was at the playground a few months ago, enjoying myself, feeding stray cats and what not, when suddenly a guy told a friend of mine that I looked like a 'gayboy'. Nice call dipshit. Naturally, he looked like a prick, swinging himself. I grabbed the swing chain and asked him if I looked gay to him (in a cold and scary way). Haha that dipshit nearly shited his pants. He replied to me in a GAY-LIKE voice, telling me that he was only joking.

Naturally, I was scared, real scared. I just wanted to run away with my hands over my ears crying for help. But, I just picked up my skateboard and skated away into the sunset (not really, I just skated home).

Don't poke little girls with pencils, kids.